“I’ve gone inside to find myself and I see a lot of my life swirling around in here. I don’t know what to make of it – seems kind of disconnected… you know? Please look in and tell me what you see, if you would. I’m having difficulty pulling it together and it’s getting to that time… I need to be born.”
A few months ago, that was my condition. I could not make a move. I didn’t want to talk to friends, or do my work, or go anywhere. The only passion I had was for metaphysical study. People wondered what was wrong with me, and then, finally, the phone stopped ringing.
Left alone, I gave it some thought… maybe there is something wrong. But deep down inside it felt right – something is right with me.
My husband had left the earth a few months earlier, after an eight-year decline due to a genetic illness. It took him from being a powerful 10th degree Jiu Jitsu and Internal Arts master to being a spirit in an unusable body, barely able to communicate. I had promised to see him out, at home, and that is what we did. A promise kept.
He was a master of energy. He could draw it from the earth, circulate it through his body, utilize geometric shapes and project the energy out, sense it in others, know where they were vulnerable – he would tell his students, “If you let me touch you, I’ve got you.” I watched him spar hundreds of times, and not once did I see anger or aggression in him, or misuse of power, or emotion… just the use of energy and geometry. It was impressive.
During the last year of his life, he did enter trance states and journey quite a bit. He would often tell me that he had seen beautiful things and beautiful people. One time he called me in to announce: “We came from a place where there are two suns.” He was excited… and in a blissful state. Another time he said, “I saw you standing right there… you were sparkling like diamonds.” I listened and accepted. His energy was traveling.
There were also times when his energy collapsed in. He would think of the wrongs that he had done; people that he had hurt. Since it was too late to make it right, he would weep. I told him that I knew he was forgiven. “You have asked in your heart, and they have forgiven.” Maybe he believed me… I know that I believed me.
After he departed, after the rituals, after the business was taken care of, I closed the doors to me. I had to find out who I really was: to know more about what is possible with energy; with healing, with meditation, with seeing other realms, with connecting to others, and what is the dark side of it… I reasoned that if everything is energy then we need to know these things.
Finally, when I had enough of the isolation state, I decided to ask for help in coming out of it. Since people I trust had put trust in Soren Dreier, that’s who I went to, with an email and a request. Soren lives on another continent, but distance doesn’t matter in energy work.
The universe is holographic, and energy can be viewed remotely through inner vision. I can’t do it, at least not yet, but there are quite a few who can. It seems the common denominator among them is a dedication to inner work and the warrior’s way, and an open, feeling heart.
What came back from Soren was a recording of him, talking in such an insightful and humorous way, about what he was seeing. Somehow he was able to see the experiences of my life, collected within, as information waiting for expression. His method is to say exactly what is evident to him while inspiring the courage needed. It worked! From my self-imposed womb, I was born… again.
Have you ever experienced someone responding to your true need without you expressing it? It can happen, but it’s very rare: the heart’s force at work.
I took up my computer and began to write about what life had taught me. I wrote about the changes we are experiencing within the collapse of this world and the emergence of a new, authentic, truthful way of being. I wrote about what my teachers had given me. I wrote about the self-knowledge path that I have been on, for oh so long. And I felt happy.
Ready for another round, back in action, another lesson learned: that’s always a warrior’s way, whether the battle is with our own conditioning and darkness, or the programming and degradation that we face in the world.
When battle came his way, my husband would become ever more calm and serene: every movement was observed and every counter move he made was both strategic and instinctive. Training and intuition – it seems to be the method… the way to fight without fighting.
As I have learned, there are times to come in from the battle and nourish the spirit. The womb is a good place for that. And if you need help coming back… call upon a heart person, seasoned in the warrior’s way. They are the vanguard of the renewal.