Life is becoming more sacred, more holy, more synchronistic, more spiritually sustaining every day. When the darkness increases, the light moves in its own evolution. As we renew our dedication, the possibility of a new heaven and a new earth, as promised, enters into the feeling of daily life. More than anything it is a feeling. I cannot see it, but I can feel the coming of it.
There comes, from time to time, a peaceful solidity within. We have to do the work on ourselves… I have to do the work on myself. That is the way, the only way… know yourself, clean house, and learn to love.
Last night I was caught in hell, in my own mind, and I wrestled with it and won.
Various scenarios of the end game were playing out in my mind, and it became a repeating cycle. My imagination went to this possibility, and then to that possibility, and on and on in a loop: back to A and then to B and then to C. Fear had gotten a grip, and it dawned on me… I’m caught! I turned on the light thinking, “This is not me! How do I get out of here?”
I took step one: allowing. So what if we die as long as we have lived our light; as long as we have processed our darkness. So what if any one of us dies. We are here to evolve… life is sacred… it is our opportunity.
I began to coach myself. Hey lady, you’ve been here for a while now and there is a lot of experience under your belt. Have faith in yourself, faith in the light, faith in your GPS. Aloud I said the words, “You step out of hell with faith.”
Then I thought of music. I decided to play music to change my thoughts and change the vibe of the room. I played Stuart Wilde and Richard Tyler’s Avalon Protection Prayer. It’s a vibe changer. It takes you to nature and her beauty like a soft breeze does, or the rustle of leaves, or a bird song, or the fragrance of a flower. Life is holy. We are nature. Peace, be still.
I was emerging from the loop, and I began to see it more clearly. Everything on my mind was fantasy… none of it was real. It was all fear-based imagination, projecting myself into a painful future. How do you change negative imagination? Use your reason and look back. How many times have synchronistic circumstances taken me toward liberation and away from pain? I can’t even count the number. They thread through my entire life.
Trust that life is in your corner: if you see it that way, it is. I am a victim of nothing, and a victim of no one. None of us is. We are volunteers, in it to serve our higher self.
I had come out, off the loop, having had a very good experience of my shadow self… or one of them I might say. Those shadows have to be consciously incorporated into the whole. They are the product of conditioning and programming, and made up of fear. I can see that now.
What are the real circumstances? Can we move and flow through them? How attached are we to the way things are? Can we change with the circumstances and still be powerful? Are we okay with not knowing?
If we can say yes to the fact that there are shadows in us, and we understand them, then we can say no to their ability to affect our peace, our faith in ourselves and our trust in the flow of life. Our journey forces us to face our fears and embrace a new way of being. It is not secure… there is no security. It is fluid and intuitive, and it requires non-attachment. It also asks us to learn how to love as that is our connecting thread.
Now to the nitty gritty: something led to my trip on the treadmill. It was actually the piling up of a number of fearful things, but it began with my emotions becoming inflamed over a political event. The US Government put Assata Shakur on its Most Wanted Terrorist list: the first woman there… a black woman, a freedom fighter of my generation. She is innocent, never was a terrorist, and is not now.
I wanted to fight that injustice. So I stepped into the doodoo of my own accord. It is okay to observe the tightening noose, but not okay to become karmically involved.
That’s hard to do because we want a just world and a truthful one, but we are in training to exit the stage. This world is collapsing in. We know there is another world expanding out because we can feel it. Life is offering us the experiences, the training and the tools for it. Great teachers are showing us how to develop the senses that we will need.
We are not alone in this. Perhaps that’s the most vital insight to nurture right now. We are in touch through the heart.