I’ve been writing a book about sweet life, of course: juice for the journey. A few days ago I started a section and then stopped with the thought: “This needs a little more… I need to ask some questions of the younger generation.” So as life would have it, a 28 year old man showed up at the house and sat down for a chat.
I asked him, “When a man loves a woman, what does he love about her?” His answer: “You love the way she makes you feel.” I had never really heard the answer come out so spontaneously and so assuredly before. First thought, “This guy really knows himself.”
“Do men love a woman for who she is… her, as a person: what she does, or what she believes, or what she creates,” I asked. “Well, sure we do. We look to see who she is,” he answered. “Okay, let me rephrase that question… if the woman you love wrote a book, would you take an interest in the information, or would you read it to find out who she is,” I asked. “Well, I’d read it to find out more about out who she is, and I’d like it if it’s a good book.” That was his answer, and informative.
I decided to tell him what women love about a man, or at least what this woman loves. “When I love a man it’s because I’ve watched him and looked at who he is. I love who he is first, and then how he makes me feel. It’s just the opposite of guys, but ultimately just the same. And if he wrote a book, I’d read it for the information and I’d enjoy knowing more about him too.”
If these observations are accurate, then what’s the up-side and the down-side? Well, ages ago we women figured out that we need to make a man feel good. We’ve been hip to that since time began, I guess, and that knowledge can be either our glory, or our downfall. Young women must know this… it’s in the feminine nature.
I’m going to project a guess as to the ultimate feel good, coming from a woman to a man: being a partner in pleasure, sharing his happiness, accepting his experiences in life, respecting what he does, appreciating his efforts to please you, enjoying his physical appearance, giving attention to what he needs, allowing him to grow and change, recognizing his virtues, minimizing his mistakes, appreciating his love of beauty, offering softness or strength or both, and helping him when he wants help. Love the love… it’s a taste of heaven.
Sounds like a Stepford wife? Well I don’t think so. There’s a balance on the other side and it’s exactly the same: just replace the him words with her words, read it again, and rearrange the order to suit you.
The young men I know would be ready for this kind of mutuality, but they can’t find it. I think that downfall is on the shoulders of women, to be honest with you. These guys are developed enough to look for quality, but at the same time their hearts have been battered. How can I encourage them? Well I just tell them to focus on themselves, don’t look for her, and at some point you’ll accidentally bump into her. I tell them that the rule is ‘lady’s choice, gentleman’s game’ so they need to make sure they’ve got game – not hustle, or money and power, but a sense of direction that’s life-loving and creative.
Still I’m not sure my advice is going to hold up… not in this matrix world – the conditioning and programming has young people so messed up. Where’s the young woman who enjoyed a stable home life with a father who was caring and present; where’s the one who wasn’t sexually or otherwise abused; where’s the one who didn’t buy into the ‘romance has to be a drama’ scenario with fights and make-ups ‘as seen on TV’.
Young women know that men love them when they are made to feel a certain way, so what do they do? Nowadays they either manipulate that feeling – no love involved, just a tactic to get what is wanted – or they overrule, i.e. if you want me you have to do this! In both cases they see their femininity as a commodity.
Confusion reigns, girls, and it reigns in your own mind. Give it a think. Ask yourself, “Why am I attracted to relationships that I know are going to be nothing more than drama? What is the competitive, conquering thing about? Why do I toss off a nice guy like he’s not worth my time? What’s this sabotage thing I do?”
Are you trying to test your value as a commodity? Are you unsure about what you want? Well I certainly don’t blame you, but, I would suggest you stop taking the programming to heart… drop it. You want to come to yourself – your true self. Your past relationships, your parents’ example… chances are these haven’t been very helpful but you can overcome it. You’re not your mom. She didn’t have the info you have… you’re the one who’s grown up in time of change.
Start by looking at a guy for who he is. Inquire as to what he thinks, find out about the challenges he’s faced and how he’s overcome them, look at his humanity, his virtues, his direction. Look at him with a soft eye, and with love for his masculinity. Get a glimpse of his quality. You don’t have to date him, just appreciate him.
When you look at a guy with no apparent respect for you and think he’s sexy, that should give you pause! Your ego believes you can fix him or change him? Let the dude go.
Check out what my young friend said. A guy might like the way you make him feel, but he is going to take a close look at who you are. Guys aren’t stupid. They’re been savvy to us for a long time.
We’re journeying toward heaven on earth, and we are heaven on earth – the feminine – if we choose to be. Yes, we’ve ventured far away from our own nature and now we know: a hard, competitive, controlling commodity… that’s the matrix we’re leaving. Softness, tenderness, compassion, respect for self and others… that’s the new way and we’ve got this! It’s our nature if only we value it. We have cleanup to do, but we’ve been around long enough… we can do it!
Read paragraph six again – read it from his perspective and from her perspective. Would you like that? Peace, pleasure and a partner? Take the hammer out of your hand and the price tag off your forehead. You don’t need either one. Your true self is your glory, and a real man will be into loving that person on equal terms.