Our children are beyond us; even if they haven’t grown into it yet, they will take some aspect of us onward. At age five my mother asked me to pray to a male presence in the sky for forgiveness and mercy. I did as she asked. I don’t mind that I did that… it gave both of us peace.
Now let’s take the same moment forward and I’ll respond again: “Mom, how about if I pray to us instead. The universe is holographic and my mind is a hologram… so is yours: perfect and complete replicas of the whole. God is in Me and You too. Will you offer me forgiveness and mercy? I love you.”
Feeling is energy, and the transmission of feeling is much stronger than words. Had I been able to express the consciousness of divinity within as a child, my mother would have felt fear… both for herself and for me. Oh how she feared the specter of divine punishment for ‘diminishing’ God into human form… or did she? It’s possible she feared contradicting or diminishing my father’s belief. We want to be loved, we want to please, and we fear ‘deep-level’ revelations that may result in emotional pain.
Children will naturally do their best to accommodate the culture they are born into and they will absorb the feeling: they are vulnerable and an empty book… but not quite. They’re not empty of their higher selves. Someone is in there questioning, ‘knowing’ in an innocent way, noticing things, asking questions, and rebelling a bit. There is someone who wants to Be, but who doesn’t know ‘Battle’.
I’ve come to realize how fortunate I am in that my early upbringing offered parents that were just right for my journey; plus abundant nature, companionship and many spiritual concepts upon which to expand later in life. Returning within the spiral, after years of transmuting childhood experiences through adult relationships, what remains to be examined is my mother’s fear and my father’s heavy heart: the imbalance of masculine and feminine.
On a book stand in my home is a little ruby red candy dish. It’s one of my mother’s things… an object that I have carried with me for years. She, like the ruby candy dish, was a colorful container for sweetness and enjoyment. But something happened to temper her joy. I can look back and say imbalance… separation, made fearsome by a male God and the epic sin of Eve, but was that it? Was that all of it?
Every human is the sum of their aspects: only waiting to be re-membered. And, duality is the foundation of creation. We have believed ourselves separate… masculine and feminine. But within each individual we find both the masculine and feminine polarities: the yang and the yin, the light and the dark, the thought and the feeling, the single ‘I’ and the ‘I and I’. The kingdom of God is within. We have heard the masters say that… but do we all know that?
We must not know it quite yet. We are now in a world so far out of balance that we are facing obliteration. Why did the world begin to tip, and then tip more and more in order to reach this point where we actually see the devastating result and ask the question?
Did masculine reason and the thinking mind evolve and disassociate from feminine feeling? Let’s have a look. Which one of these ‘theologies’ is true: ‘I think therefore I Am’ (the ‘I’) or ‘Who feels it knows it’ (the ‘I and I’)? No… feeling is not emotion. It is the intuitive and instantaneous knowing of the energy and information of a thing. It is perception: information Felt. It is the perfect counterbalance to reason – the actual spark of creation. Even the revered scientist will state: I came to the question through reason, but the answer came through feeling, intuition, perception… suddenly I knew something that was beyond my thought.
Now we are coming into realization of our inner duality, and we are called to bring the poles together… to love the divine feminine, and love the divine masculine as equal forces in creation. Need I say that this ‘inner marriage’ doesn’t take away from the masculinity of a man or the femininity of a woman. Yes, women can reason and men can feel… this capacity to enjoy the ‘opposite’ polarity within doesn’t take away from who we are. It adds to our being, and makes us whole.
But we do have some lingering effects to clean up… actually, quite a few. Assertions that, “My mother did this to me, my father did that, women are like this, men are like that.” Many people experience their relationships as contests over whose will reigns supreme, and because of this, the really deep doors are closed. Oh that we could heal this separation! Seems the recovery of natural balance would then be possible.
And please don’t think I’m pointing the finger at men: we are equally as messed up. Imagine if the Queen of England could feel… if her ‘I and I’ were operational. She possesses enough wealth to feed every hungry child. If she could feel, would there be a starving child in her ‘realm’?
The feminine essence is the lover indeed, if only she can be reached. She is the content of my mother’s ruby candy dish, or better yet, the garden behind the gate. And what is the key to the gate? Not just a compatible energy between the polarities; but a refined, sensuous, compelling, loving energy.
I’m sure you have heard of the Biblical Song of Solomon. Most likely you also have read the love poetry of Rumi. Whether these men were adoring the feminine essence, or a female individual doesn’t really matter. What matters is what we see of the feminine: we see her receptive… calling forth and opening her deepest self to a particular quality of masculine energy.
Receptivity is the essence of the feminine, but it can’t often be found in this out of balance world. Thus the rape of the earth and the sad contest between men and women as to who will conquer whom. We’re in an agonizing state at the moment.
It seems that balance within the individual must come first: marriage of the polarities. No more fear, no more heavy heart… just a return with lessons learned as we come back around to the beginning.
Let’s conclude with a quote from the Song of Solomon… the Bride’s response: “Awake, O north wind; and come, you south; blow on my garden, that the spices thereof may flow out. Let my beloved come into his garden, and eat his pleasant fruits.”