It was a year ago, about right now, that I started the ‘diagnosis’ journey. I’m talking about breast cancer. I didn’t like thinking, believing or saying, “I have cancer”, probably because I never felt like I ‘had’ cancer. Yes, there were a couple of locations where cancerous cells had accumulated into a mass in the breast tissue, but that was it. So I told friends and family that I was going to have to figure out what to do about a breast cancer diagnosis.
Initially the doctors said they had located one lump, but my friend Soren said there are two. Sure enough, the MRI agreed with him… there were two. That knowledge sent me on quite a journey, and I kept quiet about it, for the most part, except with family and friends. Then a few months ago I talked about it in a blog post, and that step took a bit of courage, I must admit.
Just yesterday I happened across an interview with Dr. Wayne Dyer where he talked about a leukemia diagnosis that he had gone through. The interview actually inspired me to write about this subject again… that and the fact that it has been one year, and many parts of the journey are over and done with. Dr. Dyer didn’t seem to be troubled at all in discussing his ‘diagnosis’, and at that moment I felt a kinship with him. I wonder if it also took courage for him to talk about it.
Going back to that day, there wasn’t any fear of death that rose up in me, just a huge question… “What is this about?”
In the days that followed, I felt myself taking a dive. I had written a book and many positive articles on shadow work and aligning with higher energy. I had been eating well, watching my thoughts, meditating… “I’m into the right things…,” I said to myself, “so what am I missing?” Obviously this is a message that can’t be ignored.
As the ego’s tower crumbled the self-accusing thoughts came in: I must be cold inside, because that’s what they say… cancer is a cold disease. “Nothing wrong with being humbled,” I told myself, because if that’s what it is, it is. If I have a cold heart, well, I have to change and deal with that.
Once again, Soren came with a dose of love, reminding me that I had taken some huge hits to the emotional and nervous systems over the past few years. After my husband’s transition, Soren had been the one who helped me rise from the lowest point and begin to find my voice. So, gradually I found peace with the ‘why’ of a cancer diagnosis… running on empty has its consequences. Self-preservation and self-protection are not selfish.
So now, what to do? Immediately I went to an alkaline diet, chose some nutraceuticals, and began to research alternatives. One of my sons joined in the search. We wrote emails, made phone calls to clinics, read the research, listened to the stories, watched the videos, read the articles… oh so many declaring that ‘this’ is poison and ‘this’ is the answer. What do I believe? Even something simple, like, which practitioners verify that there are different types of breast cancer, and what might kill one type of cell might feed another. Where is the really good evidence of what will work for me?
The answers: I found some therapies that looked good – things I would be willing to go for and trust. And I loved that so many people are working on alternatives to the well-funded medical system. But… there is a catch.
Participating in one or more of the therapies that looked good to me would require travel to another state or another country, and basic expenditures of $7,000 to $60,000 not including the travel. Upon finding such huge obstacles, I went in search of organizations that help to fund alternative therapies. It ain’t happening, folks… there were two non-active websites, otherwise nothing to be found.
Moving on, I made the best choices from the options available to me, and found peace with my choices, the supplements, the alkaline diet, and the I don’t have cancer, I just have to take some precautionary measures, state of mind. I also turned to the remote meditation/prayer/healing groups of Jona Bryndis and Edna Spennato. Such beautiful people exist in this movement, and I found that out when I began to talk publicly about what was going on.
Although there may be charlatans and judgmental people, as one will find anywhere, this present-day expansion of Source consciousness is real – there is Love everywhere and I experienced it being extended toward me. I’ll never forget it nor will I stop being grateful for every act of kindness!
It’s quite a challenge to operate in life consciously, honorably, truthfully, lovingly, in a manner that manifests what we have learned and what we know from experience, or from insight, intuition, vision and feeling. It’s a toxic world, and there are circumstances where sacrifice is called for, so we take some hits.
But everything is growth if we make it so. This anniversary is, for me, a celebration of life and of the beautiful people who ‘loved me through’.
If you’re going through something, whatever it might be that happens to take you down, gather up your lessons and re-collect yourself… for the next phase of life will be just what you need to grow. It’s a liberation journey. ‘Love the love’ is the greatest lesson I’ve learned during this past year. It’s real, and growing.