In the hazy awareness between awake and asleep, an image comes front and center: it’s a thick, heavy, leather-bound book. It appears, I look at it, a hand closes the book, and I come awake. “What was that,” I wonder. It seems important. Something is finished… I wonder what.
Nine months ago, this past December, I began to Mother myself. It was an exercise in ‘I should’ removal. After a lifetime of seeking, intending to make myself a better person, wanting to evolve and understand, to heal through expanded consciousness, to serve through my personal labors, I decided to stop it. The critic within had worn me out.
Mother said: You – a spark of Divine Light – do not need any more fixing.
After so many decades of believing I had to fix me, it has been life-changing to realize that I don’t need to correct unwieldy thoughts and emotions. With quiet observation and love for the one who experiences it all… who feels it all… the turbulence always calms, and understanding comes freely, without having to be sought.
The book that I closed… maybe it was the book of judgment and self-correction. So many of us have been conditioned to see Divinity as the God the Father who sees imperfection and requires change. The belief that ‘you are not good enough as you are’ is strongly present still today, even in the consciousness or spiritual community.
A few weeks ago, while considering these things, I wrote this question: Would Creation condemn any of its children? No, that’s illogical. Creation… All that Is, in all dimensions, all vital, all ‘approved of’, no bad or good. Offered the incredible experience of life and breath, we come into form. If we have experienced enough of constriction and density, we focus our intention on refinement and liberation. And on that path we journey.
So, is father wrong and mother right? No, we need both the Pure and the Holy, both Truth and Love, in balance. Mother has been exiled from the throne, but she now returns as the heart and mind become One. It’s time for that marriage. Oneness begins within.
As I went through the time period of self-mothering, I became less and less able to read the blogs and articles that had previously interested me. It was not that I didn’t care about the suffering, or I’m rejecting the theories or ‘truth revelations’, it is simply that right now I am full up with it. Something in me said, “I don’t need this… I need what matters.”
So what matters? I matter, and those close to me – the family and ones I love. And the friends, folks in the neighborhood and the grocery store, my online friends… all of these people are my spiritual teachers. Through relationships we experience our goodness and strength as well as our fears and frustrations. As we open our hearts, breathe and allow emotions to stir in us without self-criticism, life becomes a kind of alchemy. Light reaches dark corners, understanding slips in. Not only do we rise… we can watch others rise: it’s like transformation ‘homestyle’.
Some of you might be saying, “Duh… that’s common knowledge.” Maybe so, and maybe it took me six decades to realize that the successful, expanding, and perhaps highest form of spirituality is achieved in relationships. If so, and I’m a slow learner, then I love the slow learner. She’s a spark of the divine.
The heart of Holy Love, and the mind of Pure Truth… just to contemplate such Divinity within the human being is uplifting. We speak of the return of Christ Consciousness because this is possible. We are coming to realize that the human form is the house of the Divine, and perhaps the pain of this world has pushed us to that awareness.
We can begin to align ourselves through goodness and honesty – first granted to ourselves and then to others. Note: when we grant goodness to ourselves we don’t accept abuse, intentional or unintentional, and that’s important to remember. When we align to honesty it means… keep it real.
Now for the down and up sides: when there is a more open heart there is deeper experience of our collective pain, and there is a kind of sacred sadness – how challenging this human existence is for us. It is not an easy trip. As we watch deceit, disdain and self-hatred intensify we cannot help but pick up on the emotions of the collective.
How to cope with that? Faith and Remembrance. Not blind faith, but faith with vision, born of knowing who we are. Will we fall off? Once on the path I can’t imagine accepting less from ourselves. Will we succumb to the weight? I can see that as an issue. What got me back on my feet was to silence the inner critic.
Let’s go back to the big, leather-bound book being closed. I took the image as meaningful for me and possibly more than me. As readers of this blog may have noticed, I haven’t written anything for a while. “What more can be told,” I asked myself. In all honesty, it looks to me like this is wrap-up time for the old world. I don’t have any idea of how it will unfold as the new pages are written, but I do believe we can impact it.
I’m not going to say, “Hey everybody, quit fighting evil and turn your face directly into the light: go there in Faith and Remembrance.” What I will say is love yourself as a Divine Mother would love you, believe in yourself as she does, and as you are doing that, be honest with yourself as your Divine Father requires.
Love one another.