The advocacy work that I was to do showed up. I had written to a leader that my husband respected, asking what I could do to help, and he responded. What I could do was to help in the effort to establish a globally-recognized collective identity for the descendants of America’s slaves. Even though I had seen the devastation experienced by Native Americans and now was seeing it in the Black community where I was living, I hadn’t given thought to the significance of identity or self-perception.
I read and studied, and a short while later joined the team of leaders and advocates and began traveling to the UN in Geneva to help get the point across: the forced removal of an individual’s identity, i.e. language, culture and spiritual belief, does not go away over time.
We can see the effect of this clearly in the case of Native Americans who endured a long-lasting concerted effort to destroy their language, culture, beliefs, and inherent knowledge. This was combined with genocide, systemic racism and individual punishment and degradation. Today we understand that forcing Native children away from their parents and into Christian schools, far from home, where their language and culture was beaten out of them, was a calculated, destructive, criminal act upon a People.
A new People: I participated in a 15-year long effort to bring together under one identity the millions of scattered Afrodescendants who had ended up in the western hemisphere not by choice. What happened to the concept of assimilation, one might ask. Why is this necessary? Shouldn’t they all have assimilated by now?
At its origin, the U.S. was an experiment in assimilation, bringing together various Western European cultures, and eventually Eastern European. After a few squabbles, all of the white Judeo-Christian people worked themselves in pretty well, others with brown complexions and a different religion did less well, but still they assimilated. So why not the slave descendants and Natives?
The answer has to do with the soul of a people. It’s the difference between giving up a part of what is significant to your humanity willingly, in the hope of something better, and having all of what is significant to your humanity brutally and forcibly removed and replaced with a lie akin to poison. Peoples who have been severed from identity by force, with ties to their origin cut, find themselves in a position of having to re-form themselves, almost as if from Zero. If the shared experience included, “You people are less than human,” that conditioning must be dealt with consciously and intentionally. This transformation process is as real as it can get.
We can see transformation in our own lives, and we agree that things don’t just ‘happen’, so it makes sense that the same process could take place over many thousands of years with group consciousness. We may be living within an Intention that covers a far greater time span than we can imagine. I speculate, sometimes, that in the grand scheme of things, over a time period that might be called an Age, groups of people go through specific evolutionary experiences, such as extreme restriction, in order to rise again, transformed by the experience. Great souls emerge from the fire of transformation.
Returning to the story, the travels and advocacy ended around ten years ago when my husband became ill. A new stage began, this one even more challenging. As a couple, we entered into his time period of decline. I knew I was going to have to find something to help me, as I was very much out of contact with myself. Who am I – I have no clue. This was when I came across Stuart Wilde’s book, “The Force”. I grabbed on to his work and began meditating to the theta metronome, realizing I really needed to calm down and strengthen myself.
Big question whenever you reach for something new: “Does my experience agree with it?” Maybe I should add, “In all honesty,” because we can and do lie to ourselves.
Stuart Wilde’s words would relate at a higher level: “We are not our bodies or our emotions or our minds or any of the structures and restrictions we experience around us. We are an infinite part of the God Force using the physical form to experience spiritual development through a special teaching called ‘daily life’.”
Our love had a spiritual foundation, and that made for an incredibly strong partnership as his health declined, and we lived daily life. I’ve written about his departure in another article, so won’t go into that, but I can give an example of my own spiritual development during those years.
A belief that was ingrained in me as a child was that sacrifice, for the sake of an ideal, is how to live a spiritual life. It was the childhood teachings about Jesus that put me in this mindset. Even after leaving religion, I held on to the idea of sacrifice. But there was a negative side: somewhere along the line I lost the distinction between sacrificing for an ideal, and sacrificing out of fear of displeasing people.
After many years there came a moment when I could not sacrifice myself. I had gone to my room and just collapsed onto the bed weeping, when there came into my mind’s eye a feminine figure. She showed herself to me, and she Was me: my higher self, or my future self. There was so much love emanating from her, and so much light, that I felt unworthy to even see her. She had come in my greatest hour of need, when I disobeyed the impulse to give myself away out of fear of another’s displeasure. That was a pivotal point. I was a long way from loving myself at that moment, but I had taken a first step… to refuse to harm myself.
Dealing with the grief and trauma: I had the help of my family, my husband’s friends, the people I had done activist work with, all of my sons and godsons, but I was not coming back together very well. I stayed in the house, went to the store, freaked out thinking I had to get back home, realized my husband wasn’t there, went home anyway… day after day.
After a few months I asked for help from Jeff Casper, one of Stuart’s students. Jeff’s remote healing was very much on point and his report of what he found was comforting. The second place I sought help was with Soren Dreier. I asked for a reading, and the things he saw touched me deeply as true. In response to his insight and encouragement, and his hand reaching out to help, I started writing the Talk2Momz blog. The writing turned out to be invigorating… a coming back to life. I know it sounds really new agey to say ‘finding myself’, but it’s real. Creating is definitely a means of finding.
Throughout this writing I have maintained a couple of threads, one being the longing. Longing drove me to begin this journey, and longing kept me going – as spoken of by Rumi, the core in every human being that longs for the return message. There’s more to say on that subject, but let’s go to the second thread first.
The ‘then and now’ comparisons: in comparing four years ago to now, we can see things coming to an apex. Stuart said the global shadow will come out. We’ve seen that and we continue to see it as the masks come off. He also spoke about a divide with humanity moving in significantly different directions.
When Stuart left the physical there really was a huge vacant space. He spoke often of the mirror world, which he called the Aluna. I don’t experience the Aluna often, but I do find myself there now and then. The first week after he crossed over I saw him in that world three times, talking to people and finishing up his work. In that world experience is direct; you are what you feel. What I felt from him was unconditional love. The last time I saw him he was on the other side of the bridge, looking as he had described others… very bright, quite large, and just upper body. It felt like there were quite a few of us observing, seeing him off. It was intensely reverent.
With regard to the divide that he predicted, on the one side we can see the evolution of consciousness. Peoples with different collective memories, conditioned by different religions and cultures, are approaching an awareness that will ultimately rise to Love for the One in all; so there is a coming together. We do climb up different sides of the mountain so to speak, and the process of shedding our fears and learning to trust our inner Divinity is not quick or painless, but it is happening.
At the same time large numbers of people are still vested in the system, so we seem to be separating from them, but I don’t really feel like that’s the case. In my view, the persons who defend and trust the system are still able to feel the uneasiness, and that is a great blessing for them. The longing is within them, their higher selves are with them, and when they have suffered enough of the lies, fear, hate and hell they will be drawn to new information. People open up a little at a time, as I know from my own life, and discomfort is an excellent motivator.
Controlled by fear, controlling with fear, there are some who seem to be very much committed to control and restriction. Are there any people so devolved that they won’t be able to come alive? Of course I couldn’t know, but Stuart did describe the hell worlds as very hard to escape. There is a message for those who have viciously held on, and who are still holding on to power: “Your job is done and you can leave it.” They made things so restrictive, painful and degrading that we were forced to evolve and explore, to look beyond religion and open up to the God Force. So… negative pressure has played its role, as we know.
Now we’ll go to the longing. In the beginning I mentioned writing the song, “Feel Loved Again”, and the phrase, “Love, once it has been made, becomes an open door.” How do you proceed in this world and in relationships with your heart open? I know it sounds dangerous, but if your first love is your own heart, your own Light, then it seems not only possible, but likely, that your heart will become an open door.
When it comes to judgment, we reserve the harshest condemnations for ourselves, to the degree that we might not even be able to mouth the words… I deserve… to be loved. While we might think we are berating and accusing ourselves for the sake of self-improvement, or because we want to be humble, my experience tells me it’s the ego taking a protective stance, as if we can keep the world from hurting us if we hurt ourselves first. It is, once again, the flip side of innocence.
We have all adapted to this world in our own way, and I suspect most if not all of us have been injured. To bring those injuries to light and love ourselves As We Are is to reconnect with our innocence and become a whole person. For example, to myself I have said: Ida, let your kindness and generosity be to you something you respect: you’re not a ‘sucker’ or a doormat and you never have been. Ida, let your advocacy be something you respect: you’re not failing to do the ‘ascension’ because you go to bat for people. Dear Ida, let your sacrifice be something you respect: you’re not foolishly suffering because you think you are important. You actually ARE important!
We are creating the open door as we speak to ourselves with kind words no matter what injury or aspect of ourselves we might be looking at. And it is true, that from a position of wholeness it becomes possible to authentically speak to others with kind words, no matter what state they are in, because if they are in need of love (which everyone is), we are in a position to give.
Growing from a false relationship with the external to a true relationship with the internal, and reaching back out again to relate to the world and the people in it from a heart place… isn’t this the journey we were born to take?
To the young, whose lives are so very, very different from what I experienced: no matter how painful or frightening it might be to be here, no matter how many lies there are, no matter how disappointing people might seem to you, this ‘life school’ is On Your Side. That’s one thing I can assure you is True. Everyone and every thing in front of you is a teacher meant for you, so if you can, pay attention with the intention of love.
When the soul starts walking, there’s not much we can do but follow.